J.P. Retarded

I think we all know what I'm thinking... I'm thinking, "damn J.P., is you stupid?!" Seriously, why the fuck didn't J.P. (pictured) trade for something? I think/hope he's waiting for the offseason to fix this team and make us a serious contender. I'm not one to complain about the team, as I'm a huge Jays fan, but doesn't he want to win?!

There are so many things wrong with our team that are slowing us down and killing our chances of making the playoffs this year;

1. We have almost no clinch hitters-- Aaron Hill is our clinch hitter... are you kidding me? He hits about .333 with runners in scoring position, which is great, but we need somebody with an amazing average with RISP that can come off the bench. The perfect player in this situation-- Mark Sweeney. He's one of the best pinch-hitters in major-league history, and a free agent next season. Really the only problem with picking him up is that Matt Stairs will be used much less.
2. Vernon Wells is having the crappiest season of his career in that there are rookies making him look like a minor-leaguer. Not only is he not producing offensively, but his defence is down as well-- he's missed so many balls that last year he would have caught. Case in point: he hasn't make a diving catch all season, but he's made his fair share of diving misses...
3. Injuries obviously play the largest role in why the Jays are suffering, but even without them we're not the team we were expected to be coming out of spring training. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I seem to remember that we had an incredible offense and a steady rotation-- not the other way around.

J.P.'s a respectable guy, but he seems to make a hell of a lot of stupid mistakes, like not picking up a shortstop at the trade deadline, as both Clayton and The Wizard John McDonald are free agents after this season.

I don't think I really have to remind anybody, also, that we're overstocked with reliable pitching, and the only solution to that, as said by both me and J.P., is to trade some away. BUT! J.P. didn't trade anybody away, so we're left even more fucked than we were before.

Next time, J.P., could you scootch a couple players to the NL for some prospects? That'd be great...

Man of the Hour = Robin

God-damnit Jesse Litsch you are impressive. Not only did you manage to shut out the Devil Rays, but you gave the bat boy some tips from first-hand experience. Helpful little fuck aren't ya? This calls for a nickname: Robin. It's perfect!

Not only was he a bat boy-- which is punny and illogical, but he looks like a twelve-year old... What a co-incidence! Just like Robin! Yep, just like Robin.

In 6.2 innings, Jesse pitched shutout ball to solidify his spot in the rotation... in theory. The team has to send one starter down to AAA to make room for A.J. Burnett once he returns [FYI, he starts his minor league rehab assignment tonight for Class-A Dunedin] and J.P. stated that it would probably be Jesse Litsch, seeing how he was inconsistent and unexperienced. But since his return to the big leagues, Litsch has been very consistent. In five starts, he's only had one bad outing, where Mariners' 1B Richie Sexson lined a shot at Litsch's right ankle which seemed to have affected his performance. Josh Towers, on the other hand is much more inconsistent; check out these stats:

Since July 3rd when he was recalled from the minors, Litsch has had five starts, sporting a 3-2 record with a crazy 1.73 ERA. In his three wins, his ERA is 0.89. In his two losses, his ERA is 3.17; still very good, and overall very consistent.

In his last five starts, Josh Towers has a 2-2 record with a 4.11 ERA. In his two wins, his ERA is 3.09. In his two losses, his ERA is a bloated 8.18. Who's more inconsistent Mr. Ricciardi??